And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
