I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I supernannyed him into submission
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
