Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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