I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
