it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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