kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
