Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
