his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
