I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He? As in you personified your dick?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
