Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
