Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
