8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
