how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
