When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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