whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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