its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
