Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
