WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
