I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
