i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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