Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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