i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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