You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
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