i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
