There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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