So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
