That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
