I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize