my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize