my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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