just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
