so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
