giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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