OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
