she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize