A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
