One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
