Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
