i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
