He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
