Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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