Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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