Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
