Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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