we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
