forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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