Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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