I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
