Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
