I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
