your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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