A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize