You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
