You really coming over, don't trick.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
