I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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