Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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