Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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