Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
