I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
