Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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