I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
