My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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