i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize