I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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