Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
