You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
