I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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